Publishing the "Artists Make Art" series taught me a lot about myself and my work, my stressors and my joy, my difficulties and my accomplishments. I learned a lot about myself; truly. I will always appreciate that I did the series, but it is time for change and for new things!Read More
“You must be unintimidated by your own thoughts because if you write with someone looking over your shoulder, you’ll never write.”
― Nikki Giovanni
I went through hurricane Irma in September. Though things could have been so much worse for me (I had no flooding, structural damage or physical injury) as it is for survivors in Puerto Rico, U.S. Virgin Islands, Dominica and more, Irma still took a toll on my mental health, which I am trying to recover from. Irma meant unexpected expenses and loss of electricity for a while, which meant lost wages and increased home costs, in addition to discomfort and stress. It also meant dealing with an inordinate amount of stress via social media as I had to use it more than in August, where less use meant a better month.
While I accomplished some of the things that I wanted to in September despite so much stress, September was still a setback in some serious ways. I hope to get some rest and recuperation in October and finish the year in a better emotional and creative place.Read More
When I mention "unsolicited advice," I am not talking about people who post general tweets, general tips and general non-insulting suggestions and advice in their own social media spaces. I am talking about people who directly contact me with paternalistic, unwanted and ableist comments, requests and demands for my work, undesired and unprompted. Anyone who cannot see the difference here is someone that I cannot trust to respect my boundaries let alone my work. Addtionally, anyone who conflates actual client to creator engagement (such as questions about something purchased) with paternalistic unsolicited advice is actively and harmfully intellectually dishonest.
I am really grateful for thoughtful and respectful supporters, patrons, customers and clients. But, I wish that the respectful and kind people that I deal with were enough to offset the disrespectful, paternalistic, ignorant, passive aggressive and ableist people. Unfortunately I am not so lucky and neither is my health. The cumulative stress of navigating this social media plague on a daily and at times hourly basis, for several years now, takes its toll.Read More
I had a very good month in August. It feels as if it has been a while since I have felt this way, but I really did have a good month. I did the work that I wanted to do and also rested fairly well. My birthday was really great. I received a few nice gifts and tons of birthday wishes. Overall, other than January (when I had a lovely sleepcation), August was my best month in 2017, in every way. I hope that the rest of the year can follow suit and somewhat make up for a difficult late spring and early summer.Read More
July ended on a brighter note, as I launched my new Patreon profile. I am not an "optimistic" person but I do hope that altering my social media use in certain ways will provide a modest reprieve. I am looking forward to working on something new and the rest of my year being as productive as July, but also a lot more restful.Read More
Regardless of what I do, working as an indie artist will always be difficult, regardless of if I love the actual arts (I do) that make up my profession. The part of art that transforms from passion to profession will always be painful because of the nature of capitalism itself and how people respond to an unaffiliated hypervisible Black woman doing that work in social media space, using social media as a tool to make that work profitable to create an income to survive on.
One thing that was nice about June is that my sister closest to me in age came to visit me and it was such a kind, thoughtful, fun and healing visit. June would have been much more difficult than it already was without that wonderful time spent with family.Read More
While I do not believe in "dream jobs," I have waited all of my adult life to be able to do work that I enjoy, work that is challenging, work that is creative. I do now. But loving my work (being an artist) and loathing the context it has to occur in (extremely abusive and exploitative social media spaces that are infinitely worse than any corporate job office) is a resistant impasse. Each month I try to figure out another way and hopefully after more conversations with artists who understand this, as there will be so few who do, I will come up with a plan that works. I have to. My well-being and survival depend on it.Read More
This year, I altered how I pursue deadlines, no longer engaging a rigidity that does not account for the fact that I have four blogs, I am working on 3 different sets of publication projects (that include multiple eBooks and other photographic/writing products in each) and have multiple social media accounts for four different projects, on top of any extraneous publishing that I do. It is a lot and it is one person doing it all. However, being "on target," so to speak, did not prevent me from reaching burnout. I am...tired. However, it is not the workload that exhausts me but the conditions I deal with to work at all that does.Read More
Competition and those endlessly seeking it can go elsewhere. I am not threatened by younger/less experienced people "taking my place" because they cannot. I am not threatened by older/more experienced people "making me look bad" because they cannot. There will always be people who I view as peers, or people with equal levels of experience, proficiency, insight and respect for their crafts. They are peers though, not competitors. Ultimately, teaching less experienced people, collaborating with peers, learning from more experienced people, and traveling my own path is what matters most to me.Read More
I am doing much better with short-term rest, sleep, and leisure woven into my schedule. I can see the clear differences from 2016 and especially from 2012-2015. However, it will take more time and practice to be able to schedule and mentally relax during longer periods of time off. See, though I know I need time time off—especially because of how stressful social media is as a "workspace"—at the same time, economic anxiety (the real kind, not the euphemism for being a racist) is something that will never leave me. I work independently; if I do not do it, then it does not get done.Read More
For a collaboration to actually be successful, it requires that the parties: 1) know each other (or get to know each other), 2) respect each other, 3) have shared goals, 4) have equitable skills across the board, so that the collaboration does not become a stereotypical version of the dreaded collegiate group project where the division of skills and labor are unbalanced. There are five types of people who request to collaborate and only one of them is an authentic collaborator...Read More
Everyone has a beauty 101 story. How people treat them based on their appearance (and how privilege/oppression impact these perceptions) and how they perceive, express, struggle with and celebrate their own appearance. It is important to me to discuss beauty in an honest way, even if some people will have a difficult time accepting this honesty. I am not interested in people's "positive" projections on me regarding my "perfect skin" nor their incorrect perceptions of my unflappable self-esteem; I am human like everyone else. I am also not interested in people's negative projections on my looks or facile and inaccurate claims of "self-hate" simply because I do not express myself within their limited terms.Read More
A big misconception about time off or time to rest is that as long as you are not spending money, then it is "free" to have such free time. Well, as an indie creator, any time that I am not working (excluding things that create residual income), then I am not earning. There is no paid vacation time; there are no sick days. Thus, I have to be able to afford to take time off to take it in the first place, which means balancing reasonable deadlines with positive physical and mental health.Read More
In a capitalist society, the amount of work someone does is not what determines if they get to be well-off or even "middle class." I decided that a reasonable work schedule, plenty of rest, and valuing my time off is what I want for 2017 and beyond. I am trying to both enjoy the moments as they happen but also be organized enough for long-term projects, all while having a reasonable schedule with reasonable deadlines, all while maintaining reasonably good mental health and all while earning enough money to survive. This is difficult; this is life; this is being an artist. Artists make art.Read More
Art is my career. Art is my hobby. Art is my life. Art saves me. Though 2016 was a terrible year for me in so many ways, it was also a year where I created art that I love, art that I feel proud of and art that has sustained me.Read More
In my commitment to reasonable deadlines—for someone who does the work of 6-7 people on a shoe string budget for some projects and zero dollars for others (unless they generate sales/funding after the fact)—I decided it is okay to take my time to do my best work (and most importantly, take care of my health) without self-imposed deadlines that create anxiety.Read More
In November, I had several re-realizations about how little people think of independent artists, of Black women online, of hypervisible Black women online and people like me who are both independent artists and hypervisible Black women online. I dealt with so many paternalistic people second-guessing what I do, offering unsolicited advice or requesting free work. I do my best to not let it be stifling to me. It still affects my mental, emotional and physical health though. The ‘cumulative’ stress is real.Read More